Hate Me
by Declaration
Summary: InuKag and InuKik. Inuyasha leaves to be with Kagome, but one night he stops to think about his past with Kikyo and how the terms in which they had left each other. Song fic Hate Me by Blue October. Mild Swearing.


Hate Me by Blue October

Kikyo x Inuyasha

Inuyasha x Kagome

_I have to block out thoughts of you, so I don't lose my head_

_They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed_

_Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I'm alone_

_Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home_

_There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain_

_An ounce of peace is all I want for you, Will you never call again?_

_And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face_

_And will you never try to reach __me,__ it is I that wanted space_

"Damnit Kikyo!" Inuyasha screamed. The hill top from which he called glisened in the moonlight; sparkling with the tears that had fallen, "Why won't you just leave! Why do you keep coming back?" She hurt everytime she saw them together. Even though he been with Kagome almost a year, he still saw her everyday. Her image haunted his mind; but he knew, with a heavy heart, that she was the one hurting.

_Hate me today_

_Hate me tomorrow_

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you._

_Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow._

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you._

Ever since he had gotten together with Kagome, he found many things that he had never experienced with Kikyo. The joys of unfobidden love, sex, and the feeling of knowing that you belong. Kikyo had originally died before they had experienced any of those things; and with Kikyo's presence in his life again, he now saw that it was tearing her apart even when she didn't have to see them together. Kikyo had many callers now a days, but she rejected them all in hopes that they would be able to reunite someday and love as they had loved before her death.

_I'm sober now for 3 whole months _

_It's one accomplishment that you helped me with._

_The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won't touch again._

_In my sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night_

_While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight_

_You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate._

_You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take_

_So I'll drive so fucking far away that I'll never cross your mind_

_And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind_

He thought of the past from his perch on the hill; all the late night talks. Back then, he had thought only of becoming a youkai and nothing more, and even when the thought of forever beind half a man broke him and tears renched though his body, she kept with him. Everything he said to her, she'd taken to mind and tried to help with. "Damnit!" He cursed, breaking his footing and tumbling down the hill, "Damnit, damnit, damnit!" A fresh group of tears fell across his face. He'd left. Gone as far as he could from Kikyo… it had been almost a year since they had seen each other, and yet she never forgot him. Letters, presents on holidays… she always sent something, always loved him from afar, no matter how hard he tried to leave her behind, "Why can't you just leave and stop hurting yourself because of me!" The soft echo was all he heard in reply.

_Hate me today_

_Hate me tomorrow_

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you._

_Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow._

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you._

Why hadn't it helped? Why did she still love him? He had hurt her, left her, made her cry, and yet she didn't hate him. She loved him just as much as she always had.

_And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave_

_Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I have made_

_And like a baby boy I never was a man_

_Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand_

_And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"_

_Just make her smile come back and shine just like it used to be_

_And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"_

The night he'd left to be with Kagome had been a hard night. They'd spoken for hours, and feelings stirred in his heart again. She had given herself to him, for the first and final time that night, and he hadn't been able to bring himself to deny her. The sun had risen again, and he still chose to leave. She cried. "How can you do this to me Inuyasha! I… I thought you loved me." She hadn't smiled once in the time she'd been back… but still, he cried out in pain as he had left.

_Hate me today_

_Hate me tomorrow_

_Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you._

_Hate me in ways, yeah ways hard to swallow._

_Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you._

"…Goodbye Kikyo. Maybe someday. But only maybe. Until them… we won't be together. I won't leave Kagome. Not ever…"


End file.
